Zosia Mamet penned an essay about her eating disorder for Glamour magazine's September issue. The "Girls" actress hopes her story inspires others. She was told at eight she was fat and worried about her weight since. Keep reading to find out what she wrote.
"I'm not fat; I've never been fat," Mamet explained. "But ever since then, there has been a monster in my brain that tells me I am - that convinces me my clothes don't fit or that I've eaten too much. At times it has forced me to starve myself, to run extra miles, to abuse my body."
The star continued, "As a teenager I used to stand in front of the refrigerator late at night staring into that white fluorescent light, debilitated by the war raging inside me: whether to give in to the pitted hunger in my stomach or close the door and go back to bed. I would stand there for hours, opening and closing the door, taking out a piece of food then putting it back in; taking it out, putting it in my mouth, and then spitting it into the garbage. I was only 17, living in misery, waiting to die."
Mamet's family insisted she get help, as her father said she "wasn't allowed to die."
"My dad eventually got me into treatment," she revealed. "He came home one night from a party, took me by the shoulders, and said, 'You're not allowed to die.' It was the first time I realized this wasn't all about me. I didn't care if I died, but my family did. That's the thing about these kinds of disorders: They're consuming; they make you egocentric; they're all you can see."
The beautiful actress also offered advice to those suffering from similar issues.
"The first step, I think, is for those of us who are suffering to start talking about it: people like me, who have been diagnosed, and people who live in that gray area of 'food control issues,'" she wrote. "We all suffer in some small way; we are all a little bit ashamed of that second cupcake. Let's diminish the stigma. Let's remind one another that we're beautiful. Maybe you'll help a friend. Maybe you'll help yourself."
"For years the voice inside me has gotten louder or quieter at times," Mamet added. "It may never disappear completely, but hopefully one day it'll be so quiet, it'll only be a whisper and I'll wonder, Was that just the wind?"
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